Play Day and Bonding

Drum roll please...... not one bit of paperwork to be accomplished today. Instead we just played. We are now waiting for the completion of Caleb's passport. So, we will spend the next few days in Nanchang bonding and learning cultural stuff.

In this first picture, we are waiting in the hotel lobby for our travel group to assemble. There is one of these little fish ponds in every corner of the lobby. The kids love them, and if we ever loose them in China, this is where we will find them.



Our primary cultural activity for the day was a historical art community that was founded by some dude who used to be an emperor (I think). It seems he wasn't a very good one, and so his dynasty was overthrown, and he ended up in Nanchang, where the new dynasty built this very simple (in style) but large compound for him to reflect and work on his art. It seems he did a lot of both. This is one of the many inner courtyards, and one of the three opportunities in which Collin and Kathryn (more on her latter) stopped moving long enough for light to actually reflect off of them and allow for this photo opportunity. They look happy.

In addition to this one pic, they also posed for this group shot. This is our "travel group." They are another family from our agency who is also here to adopt. It is their second Chinese adoption.
The couple is Speed and Ann (in red). Their first adopted daughter, Kathryn, is in front of Speed. She is 5 years old and the perfect playmate for Collin. She taught him how to download games from one Nintendo DS to another. Our son is now more technologically advanced than both of his parents. The woman in blue is Jill, a close family friend, who came with Speed and Ann to help in the transition. They have just adopted LuLu, also in pink and in front of Ann. She is 11 years old and a real gem. While at the garden/art compound Mer took this great pic of Caleb. I just had to post it.








This last shot captures the end of our day. After our dining adventure last night, I was all for just going to McDonalds for some comfort food. After lunch, we spotted these two boys who couldn't keep their eyes off of us. I finally convinced them to let us take their picture. Overall, Caleb has had a rather mixed day. His happiness and contentment is directly related to his proximity to daddy. The closer the better. Mom, is a whole different story. As a whole, he isn't too thrilled to be around her right now. Problem is, I'm not really sure how to make sense of any of it. I've read enough about bonding and attachment to know that several things could be going on.
1) Caleb is still "shopping" for someone to bond with. Will tomorrow morning make this clear for us? Maybe he'll be more receptive to Mom tomorrow.
2) Caleb has bonded with me and it will take time for him to bond with Mom; a week, a month, something in between, something much longer? From what I've read it is not uncommon for children at this age to bond with Dad first, as they most likely did not have a very active father role where they were. Mom has a tougher battle in that she has some competition from Foster Mom who still holds a near and dear place in her heart. Do we foster this established connection with me, or really encourage the one with Mom now?
3) Caleb is grieving. It's the third day and a common time for this. However, I've not read much about 15 month old grieving. It doesn't make sense to me that it is possible at that cognitive and developmental level.
4) Caleb is teething like crazy, and just totally loco. I'm not sure how this plays into his connection to dad and aversion to mom, but had to put it in the mix as a possible factor.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. (If you'd rather email your advice than post it I completely understand. Please send any info to revtomharris@gmail.com . )

Prayers would be even more coveted.

A final thought, if you are putting together your "what should I bring to China" list, place Orajel on your list. I didn't see it on any lists I looked at, it is not avail in China, well worth the minimal space and weight it takes in your suitcase, and we sure wish we had some.

The Scoop on Caleb

First, here is Caleb’s internet debut

P’i / I,oooo [[[[[[[[[[[[

I’m not too sure what it means, but he is was pretty stoked to give it a try.

Second, here are the answers to some questions about he little guy.

Favorite Toy: Right now, his favorite toy seems to be Daddy. We are hoping that he soon includes Mom on his Top 10 list. In terms of inanimate objects, he is most enamored with rattles.

Clothes: he is wearing 18-24 month sizes. The clothes he was received in are hard to describe, but I’ll give it a shot: 4 layers. From outside in, it went like this: Heavy puffy jacket on top, then a knit layer top and bottom, sweater layer top and bottom, then diaper (thankfully). While we are still layering him, lets just say we’ve modified the technique a bit.

English words: Mommy and Dada are top of the list. We are trying not to use Mama as he cries when he hears the word as he probably expects his foster mother to round the bend a moment. It’s a tough go here.

Has he eaten any American foods yet? I’m proud to say that he had is first McDonalds fries today. To say he loved them is an understatement. Other than that it is tough to tell what he is eating is purely American. What is the difference between an American or Chinese fried egg, Mandarin Orange, etc. When it comes to noodles, he is all Chinese.

What does he calls us? Right now I don’t notice him calling us anything. While he may be saying something, I can’t distinguish Chinese baby talk from American infant babble. I like to think that when he says “de” he is trying to say Dada, I just don’t know. Let’s say he is, though. What do you think?

Where will he sleep when we get home? Two nights and he has slept in two places. First night he slept between us in the bed. We read that is where he slept with his foster mother. We also read that he liked a 12:30 AM snack. Since he didn’t wake for the snack the first night, we realized that there is some room for interpretation in his “instructions.” So, the second night he was in the crib right next to the bed. Sooooo much better – at least it was for us. He didn’t seem to mind at all. We are hoping to continue this trend.

Weight and height. He certainly seems to weigh the 26 pounds, and while he may not be three feet tall, he doesn’t seem too short, either. His docs say he is 76 cm tall, and I think that is about 31 inches tall.

For the remainder of our stay in Nanchang we will try to accomplish some more bonding - esp with Caleb and Mer. It just takes time, food, and a whole lot of love - none of which she has ever been short on. Tomorrow we go to a local village, the worlds largest Ferris Wheel, and I'm certain some sort of eating will be involved. A few more days of paperwork, and then we fly to Guangzhou for more paperwork and bonding.

Well, Mer has gone with one of the other adoptive mothers for a brief “retreat.” Since I now have kid duty with three, I’m off to try to reclaim my status as SuperDad.

Talk to you all later.