Answers to Some Questions

Thank you for so many great comments. I often get so wrapped up in reading them, I forget to actually answer them. Lisa, had asked a few great questions a few days ago, and it seemed like a nice thing to do to actually answer her questions. Since the comments are public (I think), this seems a fitting forum to answer.

The first question was, "How do you find your ability to shop and interact so far - meaning - have you felt limited in speaking with folks as a result of the language barrier?" There are certainly some barriers to communicating, but this has been a great lesson in being intentional, clear, creative, and patient. However, people have been very helpful. The merchants in the places where we have been know enough English to get their point across, and to understand yours. I have not yet ventured into the back alleys where only the local people buy only Chinese things that some crazy American wouldn't want.

Here is an example of how it has worked. When we were at the great wall, it was sprinkling and windy. Of course the kids left their rain parkas at home or at the hotel, so we had to buy some. Walking to the wall their are gobs of vendors. (While China is a communist country politically, it is a VERY clearly a capital driven country economically). I saw some of those plastic, disposable parkas and pointed. Through hand gestures I told the man I wanted one adult and two children's. He wrote 120 on a sheet of paper to tell me how much. I wrote 10 on a sheet of paper knowing 15 was my target (thanks to our great guide's advice). He said "No," scoffed at my offer, knocked on his head and used the back of his hand to check the temperature on my forehead (it seems that is the "loco" sign in China). We went back and forth until I smiled put it down and walked away. He ran after me saying "OK." All of that communication and only two words were said. Other interactions have been very pleasant. People smile and show you their camera when they want to take your picture, ordering from restaurants is done via pictures and fingers showing how many of something you want. Somehow it all works - especially with a smile. You can really say a lot without words.

The next question was, "How have you found the Chinese to be in interacting with them, i.e.,-friendly, etc.?" They are very friendly. Like all cultures you will find a few crumudgins here and there. But for the most part, people are very eager to help and interact with us.

Here's an example. One evening I took the subway to get us some dinner. Returning home, I got off at the right stop, but went out the wrong exit. It was raining and I wanted to be sure to come out on the right corner of the intersection. Anyhow, as stood there looking at the map, a very nice Chinese lady asked in pretty good English if she could help me. When I told here where I was going, she realized I needed to go back through the gate - which meant paying again. She went and explained my situation to the security officer, who waved me through and sent me on my way. New Yorkers are pretty helpful, but can you imagine trying getting a Transit worker to let you back through the gate?

It has been helpful to learn, though that there are some Chinese cultural differences that most Americans would just consider rude. When you recognize it as cultural difference, it is much easier to understand and to blend in (Yeah, like I can actually blend in in China). Americans form lines for everything. We are like ants to an ant hill. Chinese don't believe in lines. For all their belief in social harmony and order, lines are not part of that equation. I think its a Zen thing; but don't quote me. They are more like bees to a honey pot. Both systems work. You just need to know which one you are operating in. If you think you are waiting in line in China, you are not; you are just standing there. Just stick your hand or foot or body in and you will get what you want and be were you need to be.

All in all the Chinese are a very friendly and helpful group of people. We feel very safe - except when crossing the street - and are enjoying every moment.

And Hereeeeeeee's Caleb!!!

Well, my friends, what you’ve all been waiting for… actually, we’ve been waiting a good bit, as well. After a hurried morning to finish packing, eat breakfast, in order to catch our flight to Nanchang, we finally have Caleb. So, here is his world premier….

After arriving in Nanchang we were taken to our hotel where we unpacked, Mer and our guide, Lisa, ran to a local grocery to pick up some diapers, sippie cups, etc. We then met in the lobby, went to the CCA (Civil Affairs Office), and received Caleb. Let’s just say he was not a happy boy. We arrived and he was sound asleep. Not only should you never wake a sleeping baby, you should never awake a sleeping Chinese baby and surround him with a bunch of very strange looking white folks. He cried, and cried, and cried, and cried. Lisa, our guide, told us that he was very fond of and attached to his foster mother. Meredith and Abbie were the best at consoling him. He is still trying to figure me out. For the most part, he cries when he sees me. He’ll get over it… I hope.

In reading blogs of those who have been on this journey before, I can’t even begin to count the number of people who wrote of their particular bonding (or lack there of) experience. All of them expressed concern and bewilderment as to how they could not be welcomed with open arms by their new little bundle of joy. I never imagined being “the one.” If you are reading this now as a potential adopter, realize that your new child just might not think you are the greatest thing to come along since sliced bread. When it does happen to you, realize that it is not really about you at that moment, and that your time will come. It was helpful to remember that this takes time, and the poor little guy is scared beyond belief. Wouldn’t you be?

I tried explaining it to Collin like this. Collin’s only concern in coming to China was that he would get separated from us and then be lost in China. Every hotel that we stay in we give him a card with the hotel name, address, and phone number (in Chinese), so that he can show it to anyone and get back “home.” Well, Caleb really did get lost. He is lost in China. Collin understands why Caleb is crying, now. Simply put, it will take him time to reconstruct his world: who gives him love, what is safe and not safe, who meets his needs, etc. He has a lot to learn; don’t you think?

Upon returning to the hotel, we had a bit of what you might call a breakthrough. I gave Caleb a cracker/cookie thing. Apparently he likes them, and he likes to share them. Upon putting one in his hand, he immediately stuck his arm out and tried to stick the thing in my mouth. When in Rome, do as the Romans to, so I took a nibble - not too bad. He was then ready to eat, and eat, and eat. It was actually a very moving moment. He was done crying, looked happy, and so I took advantage of the opportunity to give him back to Mom before he started crying again. I want him to have happy memories of me. Not sad ones.

Considering my work done with child #3, I turned my attention to child #2 (Collin) and headed out to find some sustenance for my family. Baby crackers and borrowed snacks simply wouldn’t cut it for tonight. After perusing the hotel’s options, I returned with nothing more than word that room service was on the way with food for all. Fortunately, they delivered on their promise and we all ate well.

That’s all I know for now, and will post more as our adventure continues to unfold. Tomorrow, we are back to the CCA for more paperwork, and adventures in the life of Caleb. I have no idea what the day holds, but I know Who holds it and because of that it will be a great day.