Play Day and Bonding

Drum roll please...... not one bit of paperwork to be accomplished today. Instead we just played. We are now waiting for the completion of Caleb's passport. So, we will spend the next few days in Nanchang bonding and learning cultural stuff.

In this first picture, we are waiting in the hotel lobby for our travel group to assemble. There is one of these little fish ponds in every corner of the lobby. The kids love them, and if we ever loose them in China, this is where we will find them.



Our primary cultural activity for the day was a historical art community that was founded by some dude who used to be an emperor (I think). It seems he wasn't a very good one, and so his dynasty was overthrown, and he ended up in Nanchang, where the new dynasty built this very simple (in style) but large compound for him to reflect and work on his art. It seems he did a lot of both. This is one of the many inner courtyards, and one of the three opportunities in which Collin and Kathryn (more on her latter) stopped moving long enough for light to actually reflect off of them and allow for this photo opportunity. They look happy.

In addition to this one pic, they also posed for this group shot. This is our "travel group." They are another family from our agency who is also here to adopt. It is their second Chinese adoption.
The couple is Speed and Ann (in red). Their first adopted daughter, Kathryn, is in front of Speed. She is 5 years old and the perfect playmate for Collin. She taught him how to download games from one Nintendo DS to another. Our son is now more technologically advanced than both of his parents. The woman in blue is Jill, a close family friend, who came with Speed and Ann to help in the transition. They have just adopted LuLu, also in pink and in front of Ann. She is 11 years old and a real gem. While at the garden/art compound Mer took this great pic of Caleb. I just had to post it.








This last shot captures the end of our day. After our dining adventure last night, I was all for just going to McDonalds for some comfort food. After lunch, we spotted these two boys who couldn't keep their eyes off of us. I finally convinced them to let us take their picture. Overall, Caleb has had a rather mixed day. His happiness and contentment is directly related to his proximity to daddy. The closer the better. Mom, is a whole different story. As a whole, he isn't too thrilled to be around her right now. Problem is, I'm not really sure how to make sense of any of it. I've read enough about bonding and attachment to know that several things could be going on.
1) Caleb is still "shopping" for someone to bond with. Will tomorrow morning make this clear for us? Maybe he'll be more receptive to Mom tomorrow.
2) Caleb has bonded with me and it will take time for him to bond with Mom; a week, a month, something in between, something much longer? From what I've read it is not uncommon for children at this age to bond with Dad first, as they most likely did not have a very active father role where they were. Mom has a tougher battle in that she has some competition from Foster Mom who still holds a near and dear place in her heart. Do we foster this established connection with me, or really encourage the one with Mom now?
3) Caleb is grieving. It's the third day and a common time for this. However, I've not read much about 15 month old grieving. It doesn't make sense to me that it is possible at that cognitive and developmental level.
4) Caleb is teething like crazy, and just totally loco. I'm not sure how this plays into his connection to dad and aversion to mom, but had to put it in the mix as a possible factor.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. (If you'd rather email your advice than post it I completely understand. Please send any info to revtomharris@gmail.com . )

Prayers would be even more coveted.

A final thought, if you are putting together your "what should I bring to China" list, place Orajel on your list. I didn't see it on any lists I looked at, it is not avail in China, well worth the minimal space and weight it takes in your suitcase, and we sure wish we had some.