A Very Happy Boy

Our last leg of this journey has been a great way to wrap up our journey in China. Since I didn’t post yesterday, let me bring you up to speed a bit.

Our plane ride to Guangzhou was a breeze. Below you can see a pic of Caleb and Mer on his first ride in a plane. He is looking good and quite happy.

Overall, he is really doing well. When I last posted about him, I mentioned that he was playing on the bed and exploring the one room where we were staying. He is continuing to make what we both consider to be important developmental markers in his attachment to us. In our new place he continues to explore and play on his own. He will leave one room for another without crying, enjoys playing both by himself and with others, and is quite proud of himself when he finds something new. You have got to see that smile. Another really great thing that happened today was that while we were picking up a few warm weather clothes for him, something startled him. Rather than crying, he repositioned himself and clung to Mer. Do you remember how I was asking you to pray several days ago for Caleb’s attachment to Mer? All is going really well. Thank you.

We also see that Caleb might have a future as an Elvis impersonator. I’m trying to get him a silk and bedazzled Elvis outfit while we are here, but the folks here don’t seem to know what I’m talking about. Maybe back in Vero? You should see the boy dance. Well, it's not really a "dance." It's more like smiling really big and moving his body side to side - kind of like a middle aged hippie holding up a lighter and swaying back and forth during the long the version of "Hotel California" at an Eagle's reunion concert. I think the hippie is smiling for another reason. But, I'm starting to digress.

We also found a great little public park here in Guangzhou that is combination playground, exercise equipment, teenage hotspot, and senior center. To top it all off, it is right down the street from Starbucks. It’s quite a cool spot. The people here love to be outside and active. It is never empty, and never overcrowded. Everyone just gets along, smiles, laughs, and drinks their Starbucks coffee.

I'm not sure what the above pic is from, but everyone looked happy, so I thought it worth posting.

If you are getting ready to travel to Guangzhou, here are a couple of observations worth noting.

1) Bring bug spray. If you’re lightly sensitive you will need it now. In a couple of weeks I can imagine everyone needing it.

2) If you have the opportunity, go to the Shamian Christian Church. It is a three minute walk from the White Swan. They have an English/Chinese service at 11:00, and it was amazing to be in such a mixed worship. Even though separated by language, it is an incredible experience to see how much we have in common with Christians around the globe. They do a tremendous job of making you feel welcome.

3) When at the Thai restaurant and you see a large piece of what looks like a red bell pepper in your dish, know that it is probably not a bell pepper. Rather, it is a piece of the mother of all hot red peppers. If you like hot peppers it is phenomenal, if you expect bell pepper, be ready for a ride.

4) While Shamian Island is a beautiful place, there are basically four things to do here. First, you can go to your scheduled visa, medical and consulate appointments. I highly recommend you keep these. Second, you can shop. Third, you can eat. Fourth, you can enjoy the beauty of this place and spend time with your family. This is not a major tourist center with Great Walls, teracota soldiers, etc. It is a major government and trade center and operates that way. There are armed guards at many entrances and gates because there are many consulates here. On the plus side, it is also a very safe place.

5) In terms of shopping, take your time. You will have plenty of time to visit, and visit, and visit.

6) In terms of eating, I suggest eating ice cream at least twice a day – especially if you are with children. Even better, get the kids ice cream and yourself a frosty cold one. You can get both at the Deli Shop just outside of the hotel.

Though I've said it many times before, I want to thank you for your comments and emails. Being connected with family and friends as we begin this new family adventure has meant a great deal to us. Even though we are literally half a world away, your words have been timely and very helpful. Thank you. We look forward to seeing you soon.

Abbie's Take On Caleb... And China

Today we went to the best massage ever! It was sooo cool. They massaged our head, shoulders, neck, back, arms, legs and feet for 90 minutes. It was so cheap (only $9)!

This was also my first experience with a squatty potty. It was so weird, but I managed to stay dry.

At breakfast, we met up with my friend Morgan, who we met in Beijing. Her little sister Claire is so cute. We had a lot of fun playing at the park, having ice cream and eating dinner together.

Caleb is getting used to us more and more every day. He is having fun now in the tub and he is not crying anymore when we change him.

Abbie

In Guanzhou Now

It’s been a long day, so the post will be short today. In perusing the prior posts, I realized I may have gotten a bit long winded. I guest what they say about sermons is also true about blog entries: it takes more time to write a short one. Anyhow, let me try to keep this short.

After a brief night’s sleep, we were up at 5 AM in order to be ready to get on the bus at 7 AM. We were then off to the airport to catch our flight to Guangzhou. (I can actually spell that without looking it up. Aren't you impressed?). It was Caleb’s first time on an airplane and he did remarkably well. Not even a tear. He just kept eating the cookie/cracker things that Mer stuffed into his mouth during our approach for landing.

For the other family we were traveling with, it was the first time their newly adopted eleven year old daughter had been on an airplane. You could hear her squeals of delight when we hit an air pocket. The past few weeks have been a world of firsts for her: first meal in a restaurant, first time in McDonalds, first time to sleep in a hotel… The only difference between she and Caleb is that she can put words to what she is experiencing. She will have memories of what her life once was and what it now is.

It is hard to imagine the world that we have removed Caleb from. For Caleb the change can only be experienced in primal emotion. It has got to be so hard on him, yet I also know that it is going to be so much better for him. The reactions of the Chinese people, and my experience at home confirm this. I have yet to see a single person here look at us with bewilderment, disdain, or contempt for taking one of “their” children. Instead we are met with curiosity, appreciation, and smiles. People want to take our picture: some ask and some just do it. As much as they love their own country, and their own children, they also know the opportunities that await them on the other side of the Pacific. It is hard to imagine us in the states being so enthusiastic about a foreigner taking one of “our” children to “their” country. Part of if might be ego. However, the greater part of our inability to comprehend our children going somewhere else for a better life is because we have such a great life in the states (and the majority of the Western world). Sure, we aren’t perfect, and we have our share of problems, but my time here has heightened my appreciation for the blessings we have in the good od’ US of A. If we follow the advice of that old hymn to count your blessings one by one, we will each spend a long time counting.

All in all we are doing great, Caleb is adjusting well, and we remain thankful for the blessings we have in one another and you.

Putting The Pieces Together

An appropriate summary of the day. The boy is doing phenomenal. Thank you for the continued prayers. We ended the day with Caleb awake and the other two children in bed. (FYI for adoptive parents traveling with children: get two rooms or a suite. We had two because of a Chinese law prohibiting more than four people from occupying one room. We are so thankful for that law - and you will be, too. I know that much of the world lives, sleeps, eats, plays, and works in a space smaller than most American bedrooms. This time in your life is not the time to make the point that you can do that, too. The reality is that we need more elbow room, and if you want to preserve your sanity, and enjoy some moments like this, you will need the space afforded by two rooms or a suite. Check with your agency's booking agent to see what deals are out there. Sometimes suites are a better bargain than two adjoining rooms. Also, get some stacking blocks when you get to China, or bring some with you. I've read numerous blog posts about new children being taken in by these. Stacking blocks seem to be the universal baby toy.)

This was the first time that he was content to have us near him instead of attached to him. He played with stacking blocks and a rattle for some time on the bed. Then he began to crawl around the bed, exploring his new territory. Eventually, he made it onto the floor, and "helped" us to pack as any baby would - by trying to unpack anything that he could get his hands on. The significance of this for us is that he is beginning to put his world together - he feels safe in our presence, and ready to explore and take in the immediate world around him. I've got to say that I am pretty impressed with the boy. God is certainly good to us.

In addition to Caleb putting some developmental pieces together, we were able to put some pieces of his life together, as well. We visited the orphanage that took him in, and infant room where he resided for several weeks before he went into foster care. While the staff does an incredible job there and loves those children with everything they have, words cannot begin to describe the gift Caleb's foster mother gave to him. We are not able to meet the foster parents, but we were able to meet the nurse who was his primary caretaker in the orphanage. She remembered him, and is a retired director of pediatric nursing and was quite sought after in her retirement. Somehow, it just didn't seem right to post those pics. Sorry; I know you'll understand.



In addition to the orphanage pictured above, we also drove by the hospital where Caleb was abandoned. The importance of all of this is for Caleb's future. For while he will know that he is part of our family, he will also know that his origins are different. The photos taken today will help him to see and understand where he first came from. I remember the countless hours looking at my own baby books that my mom so patiently put together. We can only hope that what we learned today will serve him well as he grows. It was also important for us to know and see as much of his beginnings as we are able to find out. It was tough, but not nearly as difficult or heartwrenching as I thought it would be. I almost didn't go, but am glad I did.



On a totally lighter note, we went to this Pagoda that is three blocks from our hotel. It is one of the three most important sites in Chinese history. Who would have known!! I have no idea what the other two sites are, nor do I know why this is number three. Never the less, it is called the TengWan Pagoda. The coolest part was getting Abbie and Collin dressed up in these traditional outfits and letting them sit in the dragon chair. Like Abbie needs anymore help in thinking that she is a princess. Unlike the pictures I just took for Caleb, I think I will hide Abbie's until she is twenty five. I think she is trying to corner the market on the whole princess thing. Isn't that what nine year olds do?



After climbing the Pagoda, they found a huge polished marble Yin-Yang emblem on the ground of the courtyard. Who would have known that a polished marble Yin-Yang is good for sliding, playing and general frivolity? They seem to be having a great time here.

Final bonus of the day. Since it is our last night in Nanchang, we celebrated. We went to a really nice Chinese restaurant: like private dining room, slate floors, classically modern, private bathroom in your private dining room, view overlooking the river, more servers than you knew what to do with - that kind of nice. Fifteen of us ate our fill, enjoyed the perfect amount of liquid refreshment, and spent less than $50 for all of us; not per person. In the states $50 wouldn't even cover the beer. I love Nanchang!!

Tomorrow morning we are off to Guangzhou for the last leg in our paper chase. Lot's of downtime, but also several important appointments at the American Consulate to pick up immigration paperwork. Another bonus is that I can finally wear shorts. While many of you might not think it such a big idea, this Floridian hardly goes three days without flip flops and shorts. My legs itch from wearing long pants for so long. But now I am whining, so it is time for bed. It is 11:30, and we have to be on the bus at 7:00 AM. Must sleep. Good night, and please keep us in your prayers.

Caleb Loves His Mommy!!

Thank you all for your prayers and encouraging comments over the past two days. While we are still four days into a lifetime journey, we definitely turned the corner yesterday. It was like a little switch just clicked for Caleb at the breakfast table. Mer was feeding him, and suddenly everything was OK. While he still seems to reach for Dad, esp when he is upset, he is comfortable and content, and even giggly happy with Mom, too. What a relief. Please keep up those great prayers. Thank you.

Today we went to a local village. Above, you can see the kids and Mer standing in one. Did you know that they fertilize rice patties with "natural" - I mean "organic" - fertilizer? Oy Vey, did that place have a particular aroma. The people were sooooo friendly, though. We enjoyed our time there.
Then we were off to the world's largest Ferris Wheel. If you look in the bottom right corner of this picture above, you will see people. It gives you a slight perspective of it's size. After seeing the worlds largest public square (Tiananmen) we would be foolish to not also see the worlds largest Ferris Wheel. It moves very slowly, and takes about 1/2 an hour to go around. Very cool. Below, you will see evidence of Caleb's contentment with Mom. Considering I took the picture, and he is not crying, this is incredible progress from yesterday. The blue tint is not from your aging eyes, but from the blue tint to the glass in the Gondola.
Below, is a great picture Abbie took of the Ferris Wheel from afar. As you can tell, it was foggy, so the view wasn't all that great, but it was still great fun.
However, the wheel wasn't nearly as much fun as the fun park surrounding it. Some parts of human nature are universal: the desire to have fun being one of them. The kids had a blast here. Lots of climbing, jumping, swinging, shooting, etc.
On a final note, this whole attachment experience has given me some great faith lesson. In my reading the other morning I was in Joshua's farewell address. He basically says, he is going to die soon, and the people have some choices to make about what kind of lives they will live and whether or not they will seek to know God. He says, "But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Throughout the entire discourse, the question is always about our love for God, never visa versa. God's love is a given. The choice to love really lies in the hands of the people.

Our love for Caleb is a given. Try as we might to make him love us, we cannot. We can only love him into loving us. It takes time, but is a choice he has got to make. We are showing him that love through everything we do for him. The hard part is the patient waiting. But isn't that true with many of our adventures in parenting? We show our children our love, and anxiously await their response? In what ways is God telling you, "I love you" today?

Play Day and Bonding

Drum roll please...... not one bit of paperwork to be accomplished today. Instead we just played. We are now waiting for the completion of Caleb's passport. So, we will spend the next few days in Nanchang bonding and learning cultural stuff.

In this first picture, we are waiting in the hotel lobby for our travel group to assemble. There is one of these little fish ponds in every corner of the lobby. The kids love them, and if we ever loose them in China, this is where we will find them.



Our primary cultural activity for the day was a historical art community that was founded by some dude who used to be an emperor (I think). It seems he wasn't a very good one, and so his dynasty was overthrown, and he ended up in Nanchang, where the new dynasty built this very simple (in style) but large compound for him to reflect and work on his art. It seems he did a lot of both. This is one of the many inner courtyards, and one of the three opportunities in which Collin and Kathryn (more on her latter) stopped moving long enough for light to actually reflect off of them and allow for this photo opportunity. They look happy.

In addition to this one pic, they also posed for this group shot. This is our "travel group." They are another family from our agency who is also here to adopt. It is their second Chinese adoption.
The couple is Speed and Ann (in red). Their first adopted daughter, Kathryn, is in front of Speed. She is 5 years old and the perfect playmate for Collin. She taught him how to download games from one Nintendo DS to another. Our son is now more technologically advanced than both of his parents. The woman in blue is Jill, a close family friend, who came with Speed and Ann to help in the transition. They have just adopted LuLu, also in pink and in front of Ann. She is 11 years old and a real gem. While at the garden/art compound Mer took this great pic of Caleb. I just had to post it.








This last shot captures the end of our day. After our dining adventure last night, I was all for just going to McDonalds for some comfort food. After lunch, we spotted these two boys who couldn't keep their eyes off of us. I finally convinced them to let us take their picture. Overall, Caleb has had a rather mixed day. His happiness and contentment is directly related to his proximity to daddy. The closer the better. Mom, is a whole different story. As a whole, he isn't too thrilled to be around her right now. Problem is, I'm not really sure how to make sense of any of it. I've read enough about bonding and attachment to know that several things could be going on.
1) Caleb is still "shopping" for someone to bond with. Will tomorrow morning make this clear for us? Maybe he'll be more receptive to Mom tomorrow.
2) Caleb has bonded with me and it will take time for him to bond with Mom; a week, a month, something in between, something much longer? From what I've read it is not uncommon for children at this age to bond with Dad first, as they most likely did not have a very active father role where they were. Mom has a tougher battle in that she has some competition from Foster Mom who still holds a near and dear place in her heart. Do we foster this established connection with me, or really encourage the one with Mom now?
3) Caleb is grieving. It's the third day and a common time for this. However, I've not read much about 15 month old grieving. It doesn't make sense to me that it is possible at that cognitive and developmental level.
4) Caleb is teething like crazy, and just totally loco. I'm not sure how this plays into his connection to dad and aversion to mom, but had to put it in the mix as a possible factor.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. (If you'd rather email your advice than post it I completely understand. Please send any info to revtomharris@gmail.com . )

Prayers would be even more coveted.

A final thought, if you are putting together your "what should I bring to China" list, place Orajel on your list. I didn't see it on any lists I looked at, it is not avail in China, well worth the minimal space and weight it takes in your suitcase, and we sure wish we had some.

The Scoop on Caleb

First, here is Caleb’s internet debut

P’i / I,oooo [[[[[[[[[[[[

I’m not too sure what it means, but he is was pretty stoked to give it a try.

Second, here are the answers to some questions about he little guy.

Favorite Toy: Right now, his favorite toy seems to be Daddy. We are hoping that he soon includes Mom on his Top 10 list. In terms of inanimate objects, he is most enamored with rattles.

Clothes: he is wearing 18-24 month sizes. The clothes he was received in are hard to describe, but I’ll give it a shot: 4 layers. From outside in, it went like this: Heavy puffy jacket on top, then a knit layer top and bottom, sweater layer top and bottom, then diaper (thankfully). While we are still layering him, lets just say we’ve modified the technique a bit.

English words: Mommy and Dada are top of the list. We are trying not to use Mama as he cries when he hears the word as he probably expects his foster mother to round the bend a moment. It’s a tough go here.

Has he eaten any American foods yet? I’m proud to say that he had is first McDonalds fries today. To say he loved them is an understatement. Other than that it is tough to tell what he is eating is purely American. What is the difference between an American or Chinese fried egg, Mandarin Orange, etc. When it comes to noodles, he is all Chinese.

What does he calls us? Right now I don’t notice him calling us anything. While he may be saying something, I can’t distinguish Chinese baby talk from American infant babble. I like to think that when he says “de” he is trying to say Dada, I just don’t know. Let’s say he is, though. What do you think?

Where will he sleep when we get home? Two nights and he has slept in two places. First night he slept between us in the bed. We read that is where he slept with his foster mother. We also read that he liked a 12:30 AM snack. Since he didn’t wake for the snack the first night, we realized that there is some room for interpretation in his “instructions.” So, the second night he was in the crib right next to the bed. Sooooo much better – at least it was for us. He didn’t seem to mind at all. We are hoping to continue this trend.

Weight and height. He certainly seems to weigh the 26 pounds, and while he may not be three feet tall, he doesn’t seem too short, either. His docs say he is 76 cm tall, and I think that is about 31 inches tall.

For the remainder of our stay in Nanchang we will try to accomplish some more bonding - esp with Caleb and Mer. It just takes time, food, and a whole lot of love - none of which she has ever been short on. Tomorrow we go to a local village, the worlds largest Ferris Wheel, and I'm certain some sort of eating will be involved. A few more days of paperwork, and then we fly to Guangzhou for more paperwork and bonding.

Well, Mer has gone with one of the other adoptive mothers for a brief “retreat.” Since I now have kid duty with three, I’m off to try to reclaim my status as SuperDad.

Talk to you all later.