Today we went to the best massage ever! It was sooo cool. They massaged our head, shoulders, neck, back, arms, legs and feet for 90 minutes. It was so cheap (only $9)!
This was also my first experience with a squatty potty. It was so weird, but I managed to stay dry.
At breakfast, we met up with my friend Morgan, who we met in
Caleb is getting used to us more and more every day. He is having fun now in the tub and he is not crying anymore when we change him.
Abbie
It’s been a long day, so the post will be short today. In perusing the prior posts, I realized I may have gotten a bit long winded. I guest what they say about sermons is also true about blog entries: it takes more time to write a short one. Anyhow, let me try to keep this short.
After a brief night’s sleep, we were up at 5 AM in order to be ready to get on the bus at 7 AM. We were then off to the airport to catch our flight to
For the other family we were traveling with, it was the first time their newly adopted eleven year old daughter had been on an airplane. You could hear her squeals of delight when we hit an air pocket. The past few weeks have been a world of firsts for her: first meal in a restaurant, first time in McDonalds, first time to sleep in a hotel… The only difference between she and Caleb is that she can put words to what she is experiencing. She will have memories of what her life once was and what it now is.
It is hard to imagine the world that we have removed Caleb from. For Caleb the change can only be experienced in primal emotion. It has got to be so hard on him, yet I also know that it is going to be so much better for him. The reactions of the Chinese people, and my experience at home confirm this. I have yet to see a single person here look at us with bewilderment, disdain, or contempt for taking one of “their” children. Instead we are met with curiosity, appreciation, and smiles. People want to take our picture: some ask and some just do it. As much as they love their own country, and their own children, they also know the opportunities that await them on the other side of the Pacific. It is hard to imagine us in the states being so enthusiastic about a foreigner taking one of “our” children to “their” country. Part of if might be ego. However, the greater part of our inability to comprehend our children going somewhere else for a better life is because we have such a great life in the states (and the majority of the Western world). Sure, we aren’t perfect, and we have our share of problems, but my time here has heightened my appreciation for the blessings we have in the good od’ US of A. If we follow the advice of that old hymn to count your blessings one by one, we will each spend a long time counting.
An appropriate summary of the day. The boy is doing phenomenal. Thank you for the continued prayers. We ended the day with Caleb awake and the other two children in bed. (FYI for adoptive parents traveling with children: get two rooms or a suite. We had two because of a Chinese law prohibiting more than four people from occupying one room. We are so thankful for that law - and you will be, too. I know that much of the world lives, sleeps, eats, plays, and works in a space smaller than most American bedrooms. This time in your life is not the time to make the point that you can do that, too. The reality is that we need more elbow room, and if you want to preserve your sanity, and enjoy some moments like this, you will need the space afforded by two rooms or a suite. Check with your agency's booking agent to see what deals are out there. Sometimes suites are a better bargain than two adjoining rooms. Also, get some stacking blocks when you get to China, or bring some with you. I've read numerous blog posts about new children being taken in by these. Stacking blocks seem to be the universal baby toy.)
This was the first time that he was content to have us near him instead of attached to him. He played with stacking blocks and a rattle for some time on the bed. Then he began to crawl around the bed, exploring his new territory. Eventually, he made it onto the floor, and "helped" us to pack as any baby would - by trying to unpack anything that he could get his hands on. The significance of this for us is that he is beginning to put his world together - he feels safe in our presence, and ready to explore and take in the immediate world around him. I've got to say that I am pretty impressed with the boy. God is certainly good to us.
In addition to Caleb putting some developmental pieces together, we were able to put some pieces of his life together, as well. We visited the orphanage that took him in, and infant room where he resided for several weeks before he went into foster care. While the staff does an incredible job there and loves those children with everything they have, words cannot begin to describe the gift Caleb's foster mother gave to him. We are not able to meet the foster parents, but we were able to meet the nurse who was his primary caretaker in the orphanage. She remembered him, and is a retired director of pediatric nursing and was quite sought after in her retirement. Somehow, it just didn't seem right to post those pics. Sorry; I know you'll understand. 
In addition to the orphanage pictured above, we also drove by the hospital where Caleb was abandoned. The importance of all of this is for Caleb's future. For while he will know that he is part of our family, he will also know that his origins are different. The photos taken today will help him to see and understand where he first came from. I remember the countless hours looking at my own baby books that my mom so patiently put together. We can only hope that what we learned today will serve him well as he grows. It was also important for us to know and see as much of his beginnings as we are able to find out. It was tough, but not nearly as difficult or heartwrenching as I thought it would be. I almost didn't go, but am glad I did. 
On a totally lighter note, we went to this Pagoda that is three blocks from our hotel. It is one of the three most important sites in Chinese history. Who would have known!! I have no idea what the other two sites are, nor do I know why this is number three. Never the less, it is called the TengWan Pagoda. The coolest part was getting Abbie and Collin dressed up in these traditional outfits and letting them sit in the dragon chair. Like Abbie needs anymore help in thinking that she is a princess. Unlike the pictures I just took for Caleb, I think I will hide Abbie's until she is twenty five. I think she is trying to corner the market on the whole princess thing. Isn't that what nine year olds do?
After climbing the Pagoda, they found a huge polished marble Yin-Yang emblem on the ground of the courtyard. Who would have known that a polished marble Yin-Yang is good for sliding, playing and general frivolity? They seem to be having a great time here.
Final bonus of the day. Since it is our last night in Nanchang, we celebrated. We went to a really nice Chinese restaurant: like private dining room, slate floors, classically modern, private bathroom in your private dining room, view overlooking the river, more servers than you knew what to do with - that kind of nice. Fifteen of us ate our fill, enjoyed the perfect amount of liquid refreshment, and spent less than $50 for all of us; not per person. In the states $50 wouldn't even cover the beer. I love Nanchang!!
Tomorrow morning we are off to Guangzhou for the last leg in our paper chase. Lot's of downtime, but also several important appointments at the American Consulate to pick up immigration paperwork. Another bonus is that I can finally wear shorts. While many of you might not think it such a big idea, this Floridian hardly goes three days without flip flops and shorts. My legs itch from wearing long pants for so long. But now I am whining, so it is time for bed. It is 11:30, and we have to be on the bus at 7:00 AM. Must sleep. Good night, and please keep us in your prayers. 
Thank you all for your prayers and encouraging comments over the past two days. While we are still four days into a lifetime journey, we definitely turned the corner yesterday. It was like a little switch just clicked for Caleb at the breakfast table. Mer was feeding him, and suddenly everything was OK. While he still seems to reach for Dad, esp when he is upset, he is comfortable and content, and even giggly happy with Mom, too. What a relief. Please keep up those great prayers. Thank you.
Today we went to a local village. Above, you can see the kids and Mer standing in one. Did you know that they fertilize rice patties with "natural" - I mean "organic" - fertilizer? Oy Vey, did that place have a particular aroma. The people were sooooo friendly, though. We enjoyed our time there. 
Then we were off to the world's largest Ferris Wheel. If you look in the bottom right corner of this picture above, you will see people. It gives you a slight perspective of it's size. After seeing the worlds largest public square (Tiananmen) we would be foolish to not also see the worlds largest Ferris Wheel. It moves very slowly, and takes about 1/2 an hour to go around. Very cool. Below, you will see evidence of Caleb's contentment with Mom. Considering I took the picture, and he is not crying, this is incredible progress from yesterday. The blue tint is not from your aging eyes, but from the blue tint to the glass in the Gondola. 
Below, is a great picture Abbie took of the Ferris Wheel from afar. As you can tell, it was foggy, so the view wasn't all that great, but it was still great fun.
However, the wheel wasn't nearly as much fun as the fun park surrounding it. Some parts of human nature are universal: the desire to have fun being one of them. The kids had a blast here. Lots of climbing, jumping, swinging, shooting, etc. 
On a final note, this whole attachment experience has given me some great faith lesson. In my reading the other morning I was in Joshua's farewell address. He basically says, he is going to die soon, and the people have some choices to make about what kind of lives they will live and whether or not they will seek to know God. He says, "But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Throughout the entire discourse, the question is always about our love for God, never visa versa. God's love is a given. The choice to love really lies in the hands of the people.
Our love for Caleb is a given. Try as we might to make him love us, we cannot. We can only love him into loving us. It takes time, but is a choice he has got to make. We are showing him that love through everything we do for him. The hard part is the patient waiting. But isn't that true with many of our adventures in parenting? We show our children our love, and anxiously await their response? In what ways is God telling you, "I love you" today?
Drum roll please...... not one bit of paperwork to be accomplished today. Instead we just played. We are now waiting for the completion of Caleb's passport. So, we will spend the next few days in Nanchang bonding and learning cultural stuff.
In this first picture, we are waiting in the hotel lobby for our travel group to assemble. There is one of these little fish ponds in every corner of the lobby. The kids love them, and if we ever loose them in China, this is where we will find them.
Our primary cultural activity for the day was a historical art community that was founded by some dude who used to be an emperor (I think). It seems he wasn't a very good one, and so his dynasty was overthrown, and he ended up in Nanchang, where the new dynasty built this very simple (in style) but large compound for him to reflect and work on his art. It seems he did a lot of both. This is one of the many inner courtyards, and one of the three opportunities in which Collin and Kathryn (more on her latter) stopped moving long enough for light to actually reflect off of them and allow for this photo opportunity. They look happy.
In addition to this one pic, they also posed for this group shot. This is our "travel group." They are another family from our agency who is also here to adopt. It is their second Chinese adoption.
The couple is Speed and Ann (in red). Their first adopted daughter, Kathryn, is in front of Speed. She is 5 years old and the perfect playmate for Collin. She taught him how to download games from one Nintendo DS to another. Our son is now more technologically advanced than both of his parents. The woman in blue is Jill, a close family friend, who came with Speed and Ann to help in the transition. They have just adopted LuLu, also in pink and in front of Ann. She is 11 years old and a real gem. 
While at the garden/art compound Mer took this great pic of Caleb. I just had to post it.
This last shot captures the end of our day. After our dining adventure last night, I was all for just going to McDonalds for some comfort food. After lunch, we spotted these two boys who couldn't keep their eyes off of us. I finally convinced them to let us take their picture. 
Overall, Caleb has had a rather mixed day. His happiness and contentment is directly related to his proximity to daddy. The closer the better. Mom, is a whole different story. As a whole, he isn't too thrilled to be around her right now. Problem is, I'm not really sure how to make sense of any of it. I've read enough about bonding and attachment to know that several things could be going on.
1) Caleb is still "shopping" for someone to bond with. Will tomorrow morning make this clear for us? Maybe he'll be more receptive to Mom tomorrow.
2) Caleb has bonded with me and it will take time for him to bond with Mom; a week, a month, something in between, something much longer? From what I've read it is not uncommon for children at this age to bond with Dad first, as they most likely did not have a very active father role where they were. Mom has a tougher battle in that she has some competition from Foster Mom who still holds a near and dear place in her heart. Do we foster this established connection with me, or really encourage the one with Mom now?
3) Caleb is grieving. It's the third day and a common time for this. However, I've not read much about 15 month old grieving. It doesn't make sense to me that it is possible at that cognitive and developmental level.
4) Caleb is teething like crazy, and just totally loco. I'm not sure how this plays into his connection to dad and aversion to mom, but had to put it in the mix as a possible factor.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. (If you'd rather email your advice than post it I completely understand. Please send any info to revtomharris@gmail.com . )
Prayers would be even more coveted.
A final thought, if you are putting together your "what should I bring to China" list, place Orajel on your list. I didn't see it on any lists I looked at, it is not avail in China, well worth the minimal space and weight it takes in your suitcase, and we sure wish we had some.
First, here is Caleb’s internet debut
P’i / I,oooo [[[[[[[[[[[[
I’m not too sure what it means, but he is was pretty stoked to give it a try.
Second, here are the answers to some questions about he little guy.
Favorite Toy: Right now, his favorite toy seems to be Daddy. We are hoping that he soon includes Mom on his Top 10 list. In terms of inanimate objects, he is most enamored with rattles.
Clothes: he is wearing 18-24 month sizes. The clothes he was received in are hard to describe, but I’ll give it a shot: 4 layers. From outside in, it went like this: Heavy puffy jacket on top, then a knit layer top and bottom, sweater layer top and bottom, then diaper (thankfully). While we are still layering him, lets just say we’ve modified the technique a bit.
English words: Mommy and Dada are top of the list. We are trying not to use Mama as he cries when he hears the word as he probably expects his foster mother to round the bend a moment. It’s a tough go here.
Has he eaten any American foods yet? I’m proud to say that he had is first McDonalds fries today. To say he loved them is an understatement. Other than that it is tough to tell what he is eating is purely American. What is the difference between an American or Chinese fried egg, Mandarin Orange, etc. When it comes to noodles, he is all Chinese.
What does he calls us? Right now I don’t notice him calling us anything. While he may be saying something, I can’t distinguish Chinese baby talk from American infant babble. I like to think that when he says “de” he is trying to say Dada, I just don’t know. Let’s say he is, though. What do you think?
Where will he sleep when we get home? Two nights and he has slept in two places. First night he slept between us in the bed. We read that is where he slept with his foster mother. We also read that he liked a 12:30 AM snack. Since he didn’t wake for the snack the first night, we realized that there is some room for interpretation in his “instructions.” So, the second night he was in the crib right next to the bed. Sooooo much better – at least it was for us. He didn’t seem to mind at all. We are hoping to continue this trend.
Weight and height. He certainly seems to weigh the 26 pounds, and while he may not be three feet tall, he doesn’t seem too short, either. His docs say he is 76 cm tall, and I think that is about 31 inches tall.
For the remainder of our stay in Nanchang we will try to accomplish some more bonding - esp with Caleb and Mer. It just takes time, food, and a whole lot of love - none of which she has ever been short on. Tomorrow we go to a local village, the worlds largest Ferris Wheel, and I'm certain some sort of eating will be involved. A few more days of paperwork, and then we fly to Guangzhou for more paperwork and bonding.
Well, Mer has gone with one of the other adoptive mothers for a brief “retreat.” Since I now have kid duty with three, I’m off to try to reclaim my status as SuperDad.
Talk to you all later.
Day 2 with Caleb began with a little boy sweetly cooing to himself in Chinese. When he finally opened his eyes he wasn’t too sure what to do with us. However, he warmed up quickly, especially at the breakfast table where we were able to give him Mandarin Oranges which are his favorite. This little guy can eat, and eat and eat. Check out this smile!!!
We then loaded into our bus for some official paperwork. We went back to the CCA for and “interview” which consisted of the following questions. “Can I see your passport? What is your name? What is your occupation? Where do you live? How long have you been married? How many children do you have? What is your annual income? Why do you want to adopt this child? Are you happy with him? What are your plans to educate him? Do you promise not to neglect or abandon him?” The waiting area was packed, as you can see in one of the pics. Lots of Americans, but we also talked to some folks from a huge Canadian group. I am so glad we got there before them. I also learned from Lisa, our guide, that
From there we went to a regional office for some notary work. No notaries in your office or bank like we have in the
The second highlight of the day was some father-son time with Collin. At lunch I told him we would sneak away from the “girls and baby” for some Dad time. Our mission was to find ice cream and Cheeto’s. We succeeded and had a blast. Several blocks up from the hotel is a walking area with no traffic. It was perfect for letting him run, climb, jump, roll, and all those other things that 5 year old boys do to burn off energy. If only they had a tire swing. After ice cream we stumbled into a grocery store and discovered the mother load of Cheetos – 5 different varieties. We bought one of each, and you would have thought we bought him all the tea in
Thanks for your comments and questions. I'll get to them soon, but children are stirring and breakfast awaits.
